the context surrounds the truth

with light

so bright.

it's pixelated to our view;

what's new,

how true?

the color rush is coming through

i give in

and then

my nervous system gets a boot to start

new life

new life

new life

 

the colors of life

are

coming

thru

my eyes

  

the colors of life

 and i can see

all of time

the "on"

was never truly on

there's no meaning left for man

only residues on their hands

of what they could have done

and what they're running from

 

the sun

is a prisoner to a foggy sea

like the truth that's unknown to me

an illusion's simple stun

 

I see a light

but i'm in the dark

 

I see a light 

and i'm in the dark

 

the "on"

self destruct the knuckle debonair

bipolar cycled symbol silent nightmare

a delusional selfish son

solitary century severed tongues

rebel thunder under cosmic kingdoms

 

i see a light

but i'm in the dark

 

I see a light 

and i'm in the dark

 

when did my youth

become these fragments of grief

what is happening to me?

what is happening to me?

 

and there in this beat 

is why we hunger and bleed

let this happen to me

let this happen to me

 

when did my youth

become these fragments of grief

what is happening to me?

what is happening to me?

 

i see a light

but i'm in the dark 

 

I see a light 

but i'm in the ON

we're riding in the multiverse

thru a wormhole in space 

   nothingness is all i see

   darkness lost in a vibrant dream

 

my eyes are blind my hands are blue

and my heart has long stopped

   i become immortality

   in the center of a Manatee

 

the magic of its armor protects

me from death of all life

   in the middle of its belly cocooned

   growing to the size of a thousand moons

 

are the questions that i ponder

lost in this laughing skull

   the galaxy harbors no answers at all

 

where will he take me and how long 

will i wait

   my memory explodes into a thousand fates

 

the red tide is rolling in

and the end is all fog

   i can feel myself being born

   into the nothing of all

 

 we just exist

 

nothing

can stop it

nothing will,

nothing will

 

nothing

can stop it

nothing will be

nothing can

stop

manatee

 

we just exist

 

 ----------------------------

the segment is always side ways no matter the view

you can burn it, fix it, burn it, fix it, thru & thru

while coasting by the megalomanic manatee

we become the century's shadow of our poverty

it diagrams these entries, mutations and codes

while we watch the greedy squid flicker, fizzle, implode

i'm living in the ashes of your empire's dawn

just open up your gullets and devour the pawns

 

we just exist

 

the reason

to exist

is to exert

and be

one 

 

___________________________________________________ 

our feelings

should be mutually defined

by the need for progress

 

if we turn our backs on the ambers and the signs

then it's an indentured purpose

 

so our values

for the emotional malign

and truth is forever skirted

 

if we wade our way through the forest

of leafy pines,

we witness resurgence

here's the song i did for my little girl, Amelia.  I started by wanting to sample her attempts at speaking at about 4 or 5 months.  I then wrote piano and basic drums to create an instrumental, which was what i originally intended it to be all along.  when i started remixing it, this song came to mind and it really just built itself afterwards.  this is still in the mixing phase and is basically a demo, still incomplete.  i might add a few more layers to give it more body.  so may change.

 

 

the universe has been this shadow

an insomniac's weary eyes

watching us like a snow owl hunting

the skeletons of putrid mice

 

and may the eye now make this magic 

we question all that's known or true

like drunken amnesiacs wake up 

screaming for the memories of how and whom 

 

and don't we all begin

in the sun light's jaundiced dew

footsteps enter a doorway

glimpse an infinite timeline

pass into an infinite moon

 

we're making it magik

making it magik

 

we're making magik

making magik

 

the sun

was rising

and i 

could breathe

its warmth

as the fabrics

of

my being

became one

like a God-like

meaning

we

are

one in birth

and death 

but we must

wake together

to the light that's

beaming

gleaming

thru

our hearts

meaning

we

I cant believe what I hear and what they say

What have you got to say my friends?

What have you got to say, my friends
About this painful time we're living through?
You've left this desert where you say you were born,
You've gone and abandoned it
We live in ignorance and it holds all the power
The desert is jealous and its men are strong
While it's drying up, green lands exist elsewhere
We live in ignorance
And it holds all the power

this is song i created for my daughter as she ventures into the world of sound and the production of it.

where am i at?  i am in the midst of pinnacling in many areas, way beyond where i was 3 years ago.  it's like i finally figured out who i was and all the time i put into writing, singing, drawing, suddenly came together in one fail swoop.  I am almost complete with my first solo record I've been piecing together as I learned more about production and my own song writing.  About 3 years ago, I decided to randomly get some vocal lessons, as I was referred from a professor from my school.  she said this guy was legit and had gotten some results.  i had been performing at school functions and writing a few records with my brother for the last few years.  

 

After the summer 2006, I had started collaborating with various other artists I would run into and on my own, but I basically only lived inside a dream world, a foggy haze of life and death. i would write and write, filling tape recorders with every development of every phrase I could muster from my soul. The truth was my father was going to die, and death became heir apparent to all things.  it became the motivator of this idea of keep;ing every idea available to me, to hone it, to spend weeks crafting melody after melody. i started branching out from my years writing a sort of free form poetry and translated that to melody and sound.  I also had begun to draw in notebook after notebook on public transit, in gG Park, etc. and this started to craft my visual art development.  Just drawing and painting was a process that translated to how i approached music, like how jazz is basically approaching each song new every time, an evolution over time of inspiration from the same old melody.  

This 2006-2008 period radicalized my creative process and made me see art for what it is, the most valuable, spiritual beacon of light that i could not ignore or fail to follow.

So when I stumbled into my friend Gregory's apartment room with the beaten down piano, I had no idea that the comfortability I learned in signing, would really explode and ignite this foundation I had ought through from 2006-2009.  I totally unlocked myself, I gave into the arms of instinctual creative inspirations put to any medium i could crawl through.

We spent weeks using various techniques to tweak the body just write to be available to make sound.  It's not just relaxing the diaphragm.  It's opening up the throat, creating a pressure gradient allowing the lungs to recycle air and stay open for a sustained period of time.  the trick is to make the least effort.  to not think about pitches as high or low, but fast or slow.  just the psychological focus on this distinction prevents one from "blowing" out their voice.  Hand movements when singing, strangely, can just flip a switch giving you a robust, full sound.  Breathing is also important.  I learned that when I take a full breath I need to start to sing on the exhale, you open up your lungs via using a movement resembling eating an apple, it opens the back of the throat, this allows the breath to move freely without impediment.  Thinking of the actual body as an actual instrument and not that the voice creates song by some sort of magic.  I think before, singing was so sacred, that knowing nothing, made it like some sort of alien power.  But i learned that I needed to know how a body produces a sound, and that their are no limitations, only those that you shackle to yourself.  At one point, I took in all his instruction and was mindful of my entire physical presence, and I sang like i never had before.  I mean it was like full on opera, a sound I never thought I was capable of doing.  At the beginning, he said I had a great voice but that he knew exactly what I was doing that was preventing me from developing more.  Instead of sacrifice a song because I couldn't sing it, I can sing on any song and never worry.  Before I worried, worried, about how it sounded, was frustrated that i couldn't "hit" that a note, yet another destructive phrase in my mind that made me attack the song, instead of letting the body physically produce what I want.  It's like your voice is a huge beam of light coming from your mouth, and you open it, and it just leaps out unimpaired.  

Mix all of this with my continued efforts to mix songs and music, and write and write and write, and suddenly i had like 15-20 songs to choose from and decided to go with 10.  There are about 4 that are instrumentals from various producers and bands, that I wrote vocals over.  I was compelled to over the last 3 years.  I would hear something, and because of my vocal instruction I would go for it and know I could take into class and hone it or see what was preventing me from singing a certain way.  So I had about 7-8 of these, songs with my vocals over then, full songs interpreted by me, and cut it down to 4.  The other six I put together myself using all the techniques from mixing, and the melodies are now flowing out.  It's the most amazing period of artistic exploration I never knew possible.

 

I'm just so happy with it, and need to do more of it.  Time is the issue.  I am going to LA this wknd to start writing on a new record I am doing with my brother.  We are actually working with some musicians from the band The Melvins from Seattle, now out in LA.  If we turn the songs we did with them into gold, then we have a chance for an actual indie label distributing it.  I am going to use everything I have learned from the last 6 years, 2006-2012, and make it happen artistically.  I want my daughter to see what I am made of and that you can do everything you could ever dream of by working your ass off, loving yourself, being open to everything, to break down old selves and forge new ones, and that love is central to this development.  My wife who supports me, it is my art side she fell in love with or made her see what was inside me, what beauty i yearned to create, I want to create something magical to better understand myself and each other.

 

i want to make something magik

 

i want to sparkle, shiny and new 

the minute my red eyes react & reject

streaming specks of pollen & 

star dust

 

but then can i disappear? 

 

when particles fall and touch my outstretched hand

i fall down some ridiculous rabbit hole

and its pitfall is unveiled

i delicately carve manuscripts of biblical proportions

into the remains of my fleshy pulp

each letter a chain reaction

each thought another post modern casualty

of nonsensical futuristic hysteria

 

i crave simple answers . . .

this is not only central, it is key

to being in the midst of the magik of the metaphysical

 

Oh, GOD, damn this piece of poetry, please 

allow my brain to consider all and accept that reality

 

is an open sea

 

where the human consciousness dwells and drifts

i can see that i am incapable of allowing dreams

to walk up next to me and grab my hand

feel her whisper, "you're beautiful"

and ride me into oblivion

 

making love to ghosts seems to me very orgasmic

where i can both laugh and cum at the same time

akin to some vagrant maniac's silhouette

sweating & thrusting her lustfulness

in the dark shadows in the corner of an alley

her hips a blur

her breath frozen and rising into the street lights

the quiet slapping in sync with thunder bolts

stretched out on the horizon

met with my lashing

outstretched tongue

tasting its electricity

my forehead is a glowstick

my stick is glowing too

and the protoplasm goo

evaporates from my skin

 

we see each other for the last time

and i grab the keys

and i type

and i create

a new type of religion

a new type of painting to strip to its bare bones

and lick it's marrow acid burning cold callous

cripples begging for more limbs

octopi on high

lizards with 10 arms

amoeba with 10 heads

tigers with no heads only teeth

biting into the apple

closing the gates of hell to the doors of eden

memories like cobwebs spread across my mind

 

maybe i am magic 

maybe it's all there

maybe it's true

but maybe i am the illusion

a dichotomy of blasphemy

joyously mind fucking every illogical premise

against a red sky

i am a black shadow cast over my history

 

all i can do is create

and give that away

endlessly 

 

 

she sees herself in a mirror at night

 

as she lies awake,

i see her dreams

moving thru

her eyes

 

she sees herself in a mirror at night

 

and i pray for grace

on her frozen face

of innocence and

the love inside

 

a growing thing

i never knew this

could be

inside my heart

and mind

 

and she speaks

 

thru the vacuum of the womb

appears a watery cry

as she was moving into positions

shaking tears from my eyes

why does everything move in

pulsating haste

gotta keep up with tomorrow

to improve our case

i've gotta lot love to give

not sure what that meant

but love is not just love 

its committment

and then we're

bonded thru the cosmos

spoken language unknown

if i could live here forever

i wanna watch you grow

from the seed to the flower

and then back again

we gotta grow into each other

no matter where we've been

and i can still see the sun

rise and cover him whole

it's the same sun forever

linking all of our souls

and i'm always here for you

no matter who you are

i can't wait for a future

but where do we start?

 

and as i lie awake

she softly dreams

of her entire life

 

she sees herself in a mirror at night

 and she speaks