June 5, 2013

• my life is wax paper flickering

  before these lips exponentially

  drying out

  and chapping

  and crackled

  infected

  waiting to crumble

  an inevitable rupturing of the speed of sound

  there was a tendency to lose everything

  i thought i had found

  only imperfections of an infinitely imperfect line

  tangential tinkering with tangential minds

  time used to last forever past the last flower moon

  i was a Hack amongst giants

  i was a star rising from the east

  the eagle would cry with my lingering tantrums

  i would whittling away the wood

  until it formed something

  completely unacceptable

  not good enough so

  my father cut his finger in two

  and bled out his eagerness to relive

  life into the backdrop of my life

  what to do but yearning to comply

  to meet this match

  a chess player i am not

  the me from 5 years ago

  would find no comfort

  in these displays of today

  nor would my father

  nor would my mother care to hear about it

  a reminder of the temptation to get lost in it

  my path would comprise their dreams

  i dont know what i am doing

  and neither will Amelia

  i can only muster up the memory

  and see it slandered by the comforts

  of their friendship

  hidden to me by my own selfish loathing

  of the reality of what life truly is

  not the magical shit show with unicorns and Santa Claus

  fucking about

  proudly displaying the derby car 

  he did for me

  that we claimed was mine

  dishonesty at any cost

  for the burden of being

  the let down

   

  • 11:54 pm
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